Saturday, December 11, 2004

Letting Go

Thirty years of asthma has taught me a lot about breathing, and how essential it is. That seems so obvious, it is almost humorous to say it, but breath is such an automatic and ever-present part of my life that I can easily forget about it until I loose my breath. Asthmatics don’t actually loose their breath; asthmatics loose their ability to completely exhale. So asthma has something to do with not being able to let go.

Have you ever experienced the pain of having to let go of something or someone you were deeply attached to? There have been times for me when grief felt overwhelming. All I could do was hang on from breath to breath. Life comes to a standstill as you focus on each inhalation and exhalation. I exist only in the moment of breathing.

Lama Govinda wrote this, “ The universe breathes in me, streams through me, it is not I who is breathing, but the universe through me. And while experiencing this, we receive and accept the vital forces (prĂ£na) of the universe with our whole being with every inhalation, and we surrender ourselves wholly with every exhalation. This makes us realize that life consists in a continuous process of taking and giving, of receiving and relinquishing, of integration and renunciation, of a continuous exchange and a profound interrelationship of all individual and universal forces. Whatever we receive, we have to give back, whatever we try to hold onto or keep to ourselves, will kill us.”

I was startled when I read that last part, “…whatever we try to hold onto or keep to ourselves, will kill us.” So much of my life is geared towards acquiring and keeping the people and things I want. I resist letting go… especially of people I love. My life has been a series of creations and recreations. I build it one way, and after a time I feel restricted by my own creations. Then it is time to let things go, dissolve and begin anew. “Take two steps back and build it bigger!” as my friend Kim used to say.

More Lama Govinda:

Inhaling I take the world within me,
Exhaling I give myself to the world,
Emptied I live within myself-
Live without self in voidness supreme.

Inhaling I take the world within me,
Exhaling I give myself to the world
Emptied I experience abundance
Formless I fulfill the form.

For more on Lama Govinda I highly recommend his books, The Way of the White Cloud and Creative Meditation and Multi-Dimensional Consciousness.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Picking Up The Thread

Someone asked me the other day what I got out of a workshop I had been at. I couldn't remember exactly, just that I had some startlingly clear visions during the guided meditations. Later I found this graphic that I had created after I got home from the workshop. I probably don't remember much about the workshop because I was off in space! The workshop was “The Chapels of the Holy Grail” facilitated by Bishop Magi Teggin of the Madonna Ministry, UK.

Well so much for my good intentions. Instead of blogging everyday like I said I would, I let a whole month disappear without even a word. I remember what happened now. I came to write my blog because I wanted to share with you a wonderful energy exercise that I've been doing and it has been such a blessing. Then I decided to write to the person who invented it to get his permission to add it here. He gave me his blessing so here it is:

An Energy Exercise You Can Use Right Now - "Moving Ahead In Joy!"©2004 Richard Ross. All rights reserved.

This process can be used to move forward in any (or every) area of your life. It can also be used to transform your present situation into a better one, and it can be used to clear away any seeming resistance or challenge to taking your next big step in the world.

Prior to beginning the technique simply put your attention on the situation or area you wish to transform or manifest, and begin as follows:
1. Locate a tender or sensitive spot on left side of chest. For most of us it is somewhere beneath the collarbone and above the breast area on the left side. Find the spot on yourself by pressing, using one or two fingers, around this area until you find the spot that is more tender or sensitive than the area around it.While rubbing that spot continuously in a small circle, repeat the following out loud:"I affirm that I______, am ready, willing, and able to move forward in my life right now. I know that I am ready. I clear away any resistance or fear thoughts that would prevent me from fully moving to the highest possible level right now. I ask the Universe, God, Spirit, Angels, Gurus and Ancestors to assist me in every way possible to move forward in my life.... right now!" Keep rubbing until you feel ready to stop, then still holding the spot take a full breath in and out.

2. Tap lightly on the inside end of both eyebrows, the ends near bridge of nose, and repeat out loud:"I attract abundant goodness into my life now and I am at peace as this process unfolds."Keep tapping until you feel ready to stop, then still holding those spots take a full breath in and out.

3. Tap lightly on outside sides of both eyes, on bone near temple and repeat out loud:"I send these requests out to the world in many ways and everyone I meet assists me to live my highest vision."Keep tapping until you feel ready to stop, then still holding that spot take a full breath in and out.

4. Tap lightly under both eyes on bone, and repeat out loud: "Previous patterns have no power over me now. I am healing them as I say these very words. Healing is happening for me on a very deep level now."Keep tapping until you feel ready to stop, then still holding that spot take a full breath in and out.

5. Tap lightly under nose (above upper lip) and repeat out loud:"I am discovering daily just how much I have to be grateful for. As I vibrate with this positive energy, I become a magnet for more and more goodness in my life right now."Keep tapping until you feel ready to stop, then still holding that spot take a full breath in and out.

6. Tap lightly under bottom lip (in crease before chin begins) and repeat out loud:"All my life is becoming more joyful on every level and all the forces of the Universe are supporting me in my intention. Everything is coming to me easily and effortlessly!"Keep tapping until you feel ready to stop, then still holding that spot take a full breath in and out.

7. Now this is the most important step. Spend at least five minutes, with your eyes closed, and visualize the specific area you want to transform (or all areas) exactly as you want it to be. Experience it as though it has already happened. Feel all the positive feelings.Touch the textures, hear the sounds, feel the feelings. Make it a full multi-sensory experience as though it were all happening right now.

8. Take a moment to breathe deeply, reflect again on how you are feeling right now. Give thanks for the healing that has happened, and for the new creations that already in process.Repeat daily (or frequently) until your goal/desire creates or transforms. You may repeat the process at other times for any other situation you wish to create or transform.

You can find out more about Richard Ross by visiting his web site

I started doing this exercise every day and it really has opened things up for me. I hope you'll try it out.

Monday, October 25, 2004

Good Intentions

I always start out with such good intentions. "I'm going to start blogging and it will be so great and I'll post something everyday etc, etc..."

I do well for a few days and then it starts to seem difficult, not as fun as I thought it would be. I wonder if anyone reads it, and then I'm embarrassed if anyone says they did.

That movie, What the Bleep Do We Know? got me back on track. I hadn't been blogging for almost a month now. It was about to go out of existence. I was doing my work on attunement and I have really discovered some wonderful things about attunement in the last month. But the whole idea of the blog was to share that information.

The movie is full of people like myself who spend a great deal of time trying to understand HOW their thoughts are creating their reality, and HOW to have any kind of conscious effect on the reality that you are creating. There is one scientist in the movie, Dr. Joe Dispenza and he talks about how he creates his day. You can read about it here:
That kind of woke me up. I journal every morning but it is frequently about mulling over the past. I had not been using my journal to consciously create my day. It is a completely different focus. He talks about asking the Universe to respond to his intensions in ways that will be obvious to him that his intensions have been noted. I loved that. I guess a lot of other people did too because they made a special page on the web site just for his comments!

I have an example of something that happened to me last week. I am working with some prosperity affirmations (which I will write more about later). My intention that I am putting out there is for more abundance in my life. Last week I participated in a yard sale. The idea was to get rid of some stuff that had been hanging around too long, clearing out clutter. When I got to the yard sale there was a beautiful sofa for sale... just the kind of sofa I would love to have, but I didn't have money for spending, and I was not coming to buy anything, just to sell. But I didn't even think about all that, I just said, "Wow! What a great sofa!" and kept on going. Well it turned out that the sofa belonged to someone who already owed me money, and when she heard that I loved the sofa she arranged it so that I would get the sofa in exchange for the money she owed me. So I went home with the beautiful sofa. Now, what you have to know is that my living room has been a total disaster all summer. My housemate had been storing about fifteen huge TV's still in their cardboard boxes right in the middle of the living room. It had been unusable for months and despite numerous requests that he move the stuff, it was still there. It was making me feel bad on an unconscious level and also, I couldn't have company because there was no place to sit and the room was such a mess.

What I saw in all this was that the Universe, knowing what I needed, sent this beautiful sofa for me to have without it costing me any hard cash. In order to move the sofa in, the boxes had to go!! Now I not only have a sofa, but I have a living room and that means a place to have friends over etc. So my life is greatly enhanced by this gift. I really knew that a wisdom greater than my own caused this to happen because it was what so much what I needed, and I would not have considered going out and purchasing a sofa. To me it was like a little miracle.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Inner and Outer Worlds

I feel like I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. I started listening to my Inner Self again seriously just a few weeks ago in the midst of a crisis. It is my way of coping when things get tough, and I have had to delve deep to find some way to ease the pain. It worked! I prayed, meditated, chanted and danced my way out of it... threw Tarot cards, journaled, played my didjeridoo and walked until my heart was calm again.

It gave me a taste of what might be possible if I could go longer without getting distracted by my life. The funny thing was that I got out some old journals from 1995 and reread the entries. It seems that at that time I was on the verge of a big breakthrough was so close that each day I could catch a glimpse of that inner world.

You see the inner world and the outer world, they're both here at every moment. It is just the focus that changes.

Sunday, September 19, 2004


I want to write something today for my new blog. It is a glorious day today after the rains and winds from the hurricane have blown through town leaving the sky an intense bright blue and all the leaves shiny and clean.

Last night they talked about how “Nothing should disturb your peace.” A huge disturbance in a close relationship finds me scrambling to get my inner peace back together again. The hurricane has blown right through my heart. I am left picking up the pieces and looking for some new way to be. I have lost track of my center. I have given away my power again. Loved too much, or perhaps just not wisely enough.

What is my peace?
Something I need to nourish. It is that calm and centered feeling when I am most like a pool of deep cool water. When I am angry, upset and jealous it all disappears, gets fragmented, clouded.

Dances of Universal Peace - the Dancing really helps. Touching hearts and hands with others, twirling, floating on the beautiful rhythms and inspiring words. It brings me back to myself, and leaves me at peace with my fellow dancers. With them at least I feel calm and alive after the dancing.

Everything we desire from life is light (energy).
I definitely want energy from others, but I want it in certain ways and only from certain people. Perhaps I am not synthesizing enough energy on my own. I want too much from one other person when I am capable of soaking up that energy directly from God on my own.

Of course I don’t remember that when I am all caught up in the drama of unrequited love. That delusion leads me to believe that what I want must come from the object of my desire. But when that person goes away and I am left so terribly alone, then I start to synthesize it for myself.

Things that make me peaceful are:
Walking in nature
Singing peaceful songs
Dancing peaceful dances
Speaking kindly with others
Being by large bodies of water, the ocean, lakes and ponds
Writing and thinking things through

What makes you peaceful?

Monday, September 13, 2004

Things I learned on is an excellent website!

Everything we desire from life is light (energy).

It is a natural law of nature where the final outcome of any process in life is always the opposite of the first impression.

The physical world around us is an illusion of our five senses.

Most of us never detect the seed and root cause behind a difficult situation

We solve one set of problems and then a whole new set appears somewhere else.

Everything that happens happens for a reason.

Don’t trust the five senses!

Sunday, September 12, 2004


I am struggling to set the direction today. I am quite unsure of what to do. I think the message for me is to learn more about using my own power, and focusing on my own goals.

I have had a lovely weekend of relaxing. The Dances of Universal Peace was wonderful and calm and it felt very good to be communing with the beloved with like-hearted beings. I really don’t want to go to a church and sit in a hard chair and read things out of books etc. To dance and sing and smile at other human beings… that seems to work for me. I am going to do this regularly now. I really just need to manage my own energy and navigate as best as I can with the tools that I have. That is really all I can do. I changed magic to attunement. I think it is a profound change, and it has come out of this lesson I have been working on this month.

Attunement definitely demands relaxation, because I have to pay attention to myself. I can’t do that when I am running around and being too involved in other people’s lives. I need to relax, focus, listen, and make whatever adjustments are necessary… just like tuning an instrument. When my instrument is properly tuned I can create waves of harmony in the world. When I am out of tune nothing I do will resonate well. Wow… that says it all for me today.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

What is Creativity Magic?

What is Creativity Magic?
Let me see if I can define it for myself.

Creativity is where things arise in the mind that weren’t there before. For example I might have a ball of yarn. I might have several ideas of what to do with the yarn… I could knit a sweater for a friend, crochet a baby blanket, make an ojo, a dream catcher or use it as a toy for a cat. The possibilities are endless because the creative part of the mind can always come up with one more idea. In fact it can nearly always come up with twenty more ideas for anything you care to think about.

Problems occur in our rational mind. This is the part of the brain that measures and judges, “Too little of this, too much of that.” It can never be content because it always has questions and comparisons.

The answers to the questions come from the creative realm. The creative realm is part of a much larger connection that we all have to everything that is. It monitors what is going on in the larger universe and attempts to communicate with our rational mind and senses in several interesting ways.

Friday, September 10, 2004

Creativity - Magic - Communication

Creativity - Magic - Communication
Up until now I have always said that my possibility is self-expression and creativity as soulmaking, but from now on I am going to refer to what I do spiritually and soul wise as magic. Not only do I want to be magical and creative but I want to turn others on to it also.

Well I just ran a web search and it was kind of discouraging. Looking at Magic and Creativity there is a lot of focus on a kind of Harry Potter type magic. I don’t want that. I am not talking about things to buy or magic spells etc. I am talking about getting in touch with your inner being and bringing it forth into form. This Creativity Magic is a whole new persona that I need to let out of the closet, go public.

Thursday, September 09, 2004

Tarot - The Queen of Cups

The Queen of Cups

Key Words:
the watery aspect of water, as above so below; emotions shown openly; motherhood; emotional integrity.

The Queen’s form is enclosed in light-beams, so you only see her if you look closely. Her being cannot be understood intellectually. You must feel and sense it. She is shrouded in mystery and if you wish to comprehend this mystery, you will have to go deeply into the realm of sensitivity and feeling.

The calm sea on which she rests mirrors her image almost perfectly. What she radiates outwardly is reflected (or is a reflection of) the deepest emotional reaches of her being. She is in contact with her feelings and shows them openly and authentically. The people around her may not always understand her, but that is not a problem for her. She will not compromise emotionally, for in order to do so, she would have to deny herself, and might loose the glow of her beauty in doing so.

The white lotus blossoms on the lake, and in her hand, symbolize love of a giving nature. Lotus roots come out of the dark, muddy depths of the water, but the leaves and petals of the lotus remain untouched by the mud and water. Water rolls off the petals, or rests on them as beads of water. They remain connected to the water and mud, growing from them, but are different and separate. Blossoming love too, grows from unconscious realms of instinct and drive, and is fed by it. The light of consciousness causes unconscious energies to arise in a new form. The old appears in a new light, is transfigured, and emotional rebirth has taken place.

The stork, messenger of the returning spring, is harbinger of the new. This card can be seen as having some connection with motherhood. The lotus in the Queen’s hand is also the lotus of Isis, the Great Mother. Cancer, the Crab, in the shell-shaped cup also indicates the domestic realm of the family.

Indication: By showing your feelings openly you become beautiful. There may be people who don’t understand you; don’t concern yourself about it! There are enough others with whom you can share your feelings.

Question: Are you open to your emotions and feelings?

Suggestion: Trust your feelings! Live in harmony with them!

My openness and vitality makes me beautiful.

This card makes me think of the house with the pond over on Hermine Street. It is for rent but the landlord won’t rent to dogs. I love the pond. Nearly every day we see the blue heron there standing in the water at the edge of the pond. This morning there were about twelve Canada Geese in the yard.

I am thinking today about the URL Does it capture the essence of what I’m shifting towards? Shape shifting has begun!

I seem to plunging to the depths of my soul these days. Mostly it is good although there have been some difficult moments. My spiritual quest has turned up fragments of myself that need to woven into a colorful serape...a new public me.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Creativity Magic

Notes from my Daily Horoscope for today from
No matter what tasks come before you, prioritize them to make time for your own interests. You may be onto something bigger than your daily chores and if you don't pursue the opportunity, you'll never forgive yourself.

Instead of moving from one thought to the next, we slow down and go deeper, and bring up old memories that are connected to the present situations. Take time to pull back into your protective shell. Spend some comfortable time at home or with your friends and family. But above all, create the time and space to nurture yourself.

Notes From The Magical ApproachSeth Speaks About the Art of Creative Living by Jane Roberts

About Time:
The time that any artistic creation is involved with follows earth’s own time however. The creator’s time rises out of the seasons and the tides, even though in your society you make a great effort to fit the creator’s time into what I call assembly-time time. If you are a writer or an artist, then it seems that you must produce so many paintings, or books, or whatever as, say an automobile worker must process so many pieces of the overall car chassis. Particularly if you want to make a living at your art, you fall into the frame of mind in which you think that “each minute is valuable” – but what you mean is that each minute must be a minute of production. But each moment must be valuable in itself, whatever you do with it.

It certainly seems that the best way to get specific answers is to ask specific questions, and the rational mind thinks first of all of something like a list of questions…. She knows that no matter what she has been taught, she must to some degree forget the questions and the mood that accompanies them with one level of her consciousness, in order to create the proper kind of attention at another level of consciousness – an atmosphere that allows the answers to come even though they may be presented in a different way than that expected by the rational mind.

Trying to fit the great thrust of creativity into assembly-line time is in itself bound to lead to conflicts, dissatisfactions, and frustrations. If the proper creative and magical orientation is kept primarily in mind, other things will fall into place.

True creativity comes from enjoying the moments, which then fulfill themselves, and a part of the creative process is indeed the art of relaxation, the letting go, for that triggers magical activity….

…the ruler’s measurements have absolutely nothing to do with the measurements made by the heart….
The intellect is a great organizer, …so if this concentration is continued it begins to organize its perceptions and experience along the same lines. It is a kind of misguided attempt to find order by finding data that agree with itself. It collects evidence, then to prove its point, because the rational mind, as you understand it, must have an acceptable
reason for everything.